The Subatomic Witch's Blog
Spiritual Healing & Guidance for those who can feel there is something more out there for them than what they've been sold.
This isn't something new. This is actually a full disclosure about WHO I REALLY AM. I've shared so much about me, so far. I announced last year that I have a separate blog for my not-so-nice thoughts and ideas (HipOrCritical View) & a subsequent Podcast by the same name. I have my Artist page where I have finally shown off my LOVE of Implied Genitalia in my artwork... I've talked about my family, my farm, my struggles with illnesses... I've shared quite a bit of my writing style... This is basically the final piece of ME that I needed to share, so that you can get the full picture. I felt it was finally TIME.
So... I'm just gonna jump right in...
When I realized I was in fact, a witch, me being me... I had to know what that meant, and I ended up getting caught up in trying to figure out what EVERYTHING meant. I researched the different types of witches (there are many) and the different types of Empaths (also, quite a few). I came to the frustrating conclusion that I was a bit of each kind, some more so than others. This just made my journey of "accepting" (I like to use the term "acknowledging", instead of "accepting") who I was/am, THAT much more difficult and confusing.
I hadn't really delved into the herbal and crystal and spell magic stuffs, at that point in time, so that also made it hard for me to really come to terms with this part of my awakening. I'd known I was gifted with something special, but it had up until last year really, been solely focused in the realm of words and intentions. This was my ish. I found out at a young age that I could influence people and affect their lives in positive ways, just by planting a seed in their mind. For example, people would leave their abusive partners, or they'd ask someone out, or they'd quit their job to start their own business, or they'd go on a trip they'd been making excuses not to take, or they'd finally decide to move to a new place, etc. etc. etc.... Shit, I wrote a song about it that illustrated exactly that (It's in my Book of Poetry). I even wrote a FB post about my kids being forces of Nature and me, being the human equivalent to an F5 Tornado.
Like, I've totally known that I had this ability, I'd just never realized it was part of my "power".
In addition to that, I've had dealings with the supernatural... I've banished ghosts/entities from houses, which, even as I did it and knew I could do it, I still had a hard time believing I wasn't crazy. I don't see dead people (not yet, at least), but I do feel their energies.
I actually FEEL everyone's energies; alive & dead. That too, is what has made my life so interesting & extremely difficult.
I've also been incredibly adept at manifesting my reality. When I want something, and I make myself believe that I am ready for (it) and deserve (it), there is literally nothing I haven't been able to bring into my life. However, when I lose focus on me, and instead focus on others, then my ability to manisfest things shifts instead to helping others in manifesting their lives; like, actively walking them through the process, being their little conscience on their shoulder, as it were.
But, when I finally realized I was an Empath, all of my mental illness made sense. The depression, being bipolar, and the constant thoughts of suicide, suddenly had a new explanation. It wasn't me. I've always been the person that everyone has come to for help and guidance. You can read any of my blog posts from a Precariously Balanced Life and see where I talk about being lonely at the top, being an Apex predator, etc. Hell, I've even spoken about me being "The Golden Child", the kid that was gonna "change the world" according to my dad. So, I've always known I had a purpose. I've always known that I was a Healer on many different levels & in different capacities.
I've always known that I can affect change and had the responsibility to do so.
"With great power comes great responsibility."
You probably already know by now that that is one of my favorite quotes. Stan Lee/Uncle Ben, truly hit the nail on the head. When you have the power to see how a problem can be solved, you have a direct moral obligation to act or else suffer the consequences.
For me, that responsibility translated to a lot of dealing with people who had issues that to me, were easily solvable,
if they'd only just do the work.
But, unfortunately, people like easy fixes with minimal effort.
And a life worth living doesn't come easy. Sorry. And dealing with people that didn't want to do things a different way, but instead wanted to continually cry about things not changing as they stuck to their own, proven, ineffective ways, well, it was draining, to say the least.
That old adage of "Doing the same thing expecting different results" is spot on; and it is DEFINITELY the definition of INSANITY.
"A life worth living doesn't come easy." T.B. Cooper
I've always been loud and friendly, so people have always flocked to me. I was ALWAYS the excuse for bad behavior...
"Oh, well, Tatiana was with me"
"Oh, well, yeah, that bitch is crazy, so I totally understand how you lost your bra somewhere...
...or stayed out too late,
...or went home with a guy you might've never spoken to..."
Which, that's fine. For me, I'd rather folks be accountable for their own actions, but it's whatever.
At least people had a good time when they were with me.
The problem was never ME being the excuse, it was instead, ME feeling... their depression, their anxiety, their apprehensions and fears, their excitement, their joys, their regrets... often it was from many people, all in one day or in a very short period of time...
and then, the problem became ME carrying ALL of those feelings, with me.
Of course my emotions were on a constant roller-coaster, how could they not be?
Of course I was "crazy", how could I not be? I was feeling, and still DO, FEEL~ EVERYTHING.
And when it became too much, when I was absolutely exhausted and didn't know how I TRULY FELT, or worse, WHY I FELT the way I did... I became suicidal. I've been suicidal since my teenage/junior high school years. And it wasn't until NOW, that I understand, FINALLY, why.
So, there's so much more to this story, but to answer the question of "Why "Subatomic""?
Well, it goes back to the whole "me figuring out what kind of Witch & Empath I was/am"... Since not a single label resonated with me completely, I had to create my own. I am fond of the word "whore", but that didn't seem an adequate label for what I am, as a "type of witch." LOL. So instead, I started really thinking about what my "powers" really were/are, and on what level. And I realized that the best way I could describe to myself, what the fabric of time & reality that I weave with was/is, ... well, it's on a subatomic level. That bare roots part of existence. The very, tiny, initial pieces of what is a part of everything else. The microscopic level. The nucleus. Because, what I was doing, what I do do, is based in subtlety, and it's in the realm of the unseen. I could've gone with just Empathic Witch, or Emotional Witch... but there is just so much more that pulls me. Different elements pull me on different days, and in different situations...
I'm as much a Storm Witch as I am an Energy one, for an example.
And so on...
No, I am not evil. My magic is no different from using the Law of Attraction & setting positive intentions & feeling/living a life of Abundance, and MOST IMPORTANTLY... SHARING that LOVE & ABUNDANCE with as many people as possible. Making wishes become reality is not any different from Witchcraft or Religious praying to an unseen God (which I believe in none), on the fundamental level. I could just as easily say I'm not a Witch, but instead, a Manifester. But, since I have always gone against the grain, and I am sure I was a witch drowned or burned in a former life (quite possibly), I'll just happily accept that title with grace and love.
But, anyways... this is my first post on this blog, on this, my website, as a Witch, who is officially "out of the Broom Closet". My intention is to share the guidance and wisdom I've been sharing with so many, over the years, on here. So, I'll post conversations and advice I've given. I'll post spells. I'll post things that I feel someone out there needs to read. My "Precariously Balanced Life" blog is really about the more Human side of me. I haven't posted a lot of Spiritual stuff on there because I haven't felt comfortable, until now, with sharing something so intimate about me, with "the world". But, I've heard the call. And now, I'm not afraid to put this out there, because I know how many I've helped, and my love for humanity is unending. The knowledge & wisdom I've gleaned & remembered is bursting from me, waiting to be shared, so it was now or never that I finally share me, completely.
Until next time, sending love to you on a subatomic level,
P.S. If you've found yourself here, on this page and need help... Please, contact me, here.
If you have found this page goes against your beliefs, please go on your merry way, blessed and not concerned with how I'm living my life.