How to Make a Poop Milkshake & Why You'd Want to... Really!

Unexpected Use for: Dog Poop

©T.B. Cooper

No, this is NOT a joke. I really do do this(haha, no pun intended!).

(April 18, 2018-Repost/Share)
​So, I felt like I should share this again, since Fly Season is upon us, and every year it's getting worse...

PLUS, these REALLY do help!!

Okay, so before you think WTF is wrong with this chick, hear me out...

I HATE FLIES!!!!

We live on a farm with lots of animals... hence Flies... Lots & Lots of FLIES!!!

Nothing is worse than trying to get stuff done around the farm while nasty biting flies are swarming all over your sweaty body. Not to mention just how annoying they are to the animals. One of my alpacas, two of my dogs, and my poor donkey seem to be plagued the worst by them. They get bit, they bleed, they scab up, then the itching gets too much for them, so they scratch the scab off and start the whole bloody process again. This lasts ALL summer!! 

Needless to say, it's frustrating. I love my babies and hate to see them suffer. But it's their thing they do. I do clean and medicate the wounds, but again, the itching of the drying/healing scab proves to be hard to ignore & not scratch off. :(

So, after spending my fair share on all kinds of Fly traps, Repellents, sprays etc., I came up with the "Poop Milkshake" after realizing the stinky stuff sold in some fly traps is so reminiscent of dog shit, 
and silly me, I used to throw mine away or burn it!

After thinking about this, I concluded that I have plenty of 2-liter bottles and I have dogs. Lots of dogs.
​And I also hate spending money if I don't have to.

Now don't get me wrong, this is a disgusting, pukey, nasty job... and I HATE doing it. 

BUT I HATE FLIES even more.

and since these Free/Cheap contraptions work so damn perfectly, I will ALWAYS make them.

So what exactly are they?

They are fly traps that once you make them, you need only add water now and then to keep them going, and they'll last damn near the whole fly season, which here in Southern Nevada is Early March, until right about End of October/Beginning of November.
​

Here's what you need:

• 2-liter bottles with caps
• Some rope/baling rope
• A mop sized-bucket you will NEVER USE for ANYTHING ELSE besides Poop Milkshakes
• A Large Black Funnel (I use the automotive kind) you will NEVER USE for ANYTHING ELSE besides Poop Milkshakes
• Fresh Steaming piles of Dog poop
• a random sturdy stick that you will use to "stir the pot" (I really do just grab a stick that is about a finger's width-thick)
• A knife or Box cutter
• Water
• Gloves, Goggles, Masks (all Optional) I like to live on the edge...

I'm going to try to keep this pretty simple.

Within the hour, if it's near fly season, you will start to see flies gathering 'round for a feast.
Most will go in and stay in, some will escape ​(it happens).
But you'll go out one day maybe three weeks from now, and see that those traps you hung up actually worked.
The really full ones will have "turned" into fly mushy pudding at the bottom where there once was poopy water.
Yeah, I'm taking about 3-4" of solid dead flies. At  that point, you throw the trap away, and start over.
And no, I don't have pictures of this, some things are just too nasty to put on 'film.'

Directions:

1. Gather all of your supplies, and set up in a shady spot. Use the ground for your table if your body will permit it, if not that's okay... wherever works for you.
2. After you scope out the lucky poop piles, scoop them into the bucket and fill with enough water to cover the poop by about an inch or two. The fresher and mushier the better, although diarrhea is horribly hard to scoop up through a grassy lawn when fresh. BTW For about 5 - 6 traps, I only need two piles (total) from my shepherd girls and/or my bulldog, so hopefully that gives you an approximate size to compare to.
3. Cut your rope into lengths of roughly 18", unless where you're going to hang these up there are high beams, or thick ones, in which case you be the judge. We hang these out of the animals/humans' heads reach (I certainly don't want them or us, covered in poop!), but no higher than 8' because then it's too high to attract the flies away from the good stuff down below. So some of these you will have to hang outside the pen along the outer perimeter...trees are okay for this. Actually, trees are GREAT for this. 
4. Use your box cutter/knife to cut two "X"s in the middle of the bottle, on direct opposite sides of each other. See 2nd picture above. The X should be roughly the size of a half-dollar, bigger is not better...smaller is okay, but not TOO small.
5. The X makes essentially 4 "triangles." Push inwards two of the triangles (opposite sides i.e. top triangle & bottom triangle), of each X, on each bottle. You don't want a definitive bend, so no "crease," but what you're attempting to make is an entryway big enough for a fly to crawl into.
6. Next, tie the end of a length of your pre-cut rope around the neck of each bottle, tying it tight & knotting it.  
7. Now the fun part! Use that stick of yours, to swirl and well-mix the poopy water, until the liquid is well-blended. GO SLOW!!! There's no exact consistency here, but if the mix is mostly water, your results will be sub-prime. 
8. Once you've got it mixed about as good as you're willing to get it, grab your funnel and start filling up the bottles, about 3 1/2" -4" high. MAKE SURE NOT TO FILL TO THE "X"s. The liquid mixture must be at least 1 1/2" under the "X".
9. Screw the lids back on, and you're done. Just 'hang 'em high,' and then clean-up is all that's left.

Here's some more tips: 

• Make these EARLY in the morning. Like right at sunrise. If you wait until it gets warm, the flies will be all over you and if it's summer time and it's hot, and them some shit slurry spills on you... trust me, you WILL NOT BE A HAPPY person.
• It's best if these are up a week or two before the warm weather that brings the flies starts... so if you schedule to do this, I'd recommend maybe three weeks before actual "Spring" starts in your area.
• If the traps start to dry out, just gently pour water into them via one of the "X's on the side, and give a very gentle shake/swirl. *Caution: this can get messy and takes some practice with the technique. So take your time, the slower the better!
• Some areas of your yard/farm will catch more flies than others. I've noticed near the pens, but in a mostly sunny area works best, and the traps there fill up and need to be replaced, instead of re-charged! Probably because that poop is baking in the sun and smells like cookies in the oven to a fly! *Barf*

Of course, the most important thing is to have FUN!!

Make sure you take lots of pictures and post them here in the comments...

I'd love to see your results!

P.S. VIDEO would be better!!

and P.S.S. These really do work. I would never post Bullshit on here. Just these dog shit fly traps. Promise!

​& as always, if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask!