It's not ALL Rainbows & Sunshine... Okay, maybe a double rainbow was included in this post--it happens!

© T.B. Cooper

Christmas Eve... looking out at Mt. Charleston.

Well... Christmas is over (yay!), and I am not ashamed to admit that I couldn't wait for it to be done.
​This was probably the worst Holiday season I've experienced in a while.

But is that me complaining? No.

​Because reflection and understanding are better than hindsight and regrets.

Oh yeah, I'm tweeting that one... #Reflection and Understanding are better than Hindsight and Regrets. 

I hate that my household has been back and forth with the cold or flu for what seems like the entire holiday season, and I hate that I've been sick specifically on Thanksgiving AND Christmas. BUT, this is a household of 12, when my friend and her daughter are over (which btw, they're moving in next year-- but into a separate home on the property) then there are 14 of us. When my brother visits--during the holidays twice a month-- there are 18. Which, is kinda a lot to cook for, clean up after, keep the peace with, and at Christmas--shop for.

Add to my crazy family life and farm life and homeschooling, all things I've spent what feels my entire life perfecting my methods of planning and execution, the supreme and ultimate desire I have to be the writer I've always felt I was inside... and then it's no wonder I've been sick and stressed and ate two pounds+ of yummy See's chocolate and smoked more than a couple of cigarettes after having lost nearly 40 lbs. this year and having not smoked for three years.

I love this picture... I'm not sure if you can see it or not, but it was a halo around the full moon, earlier this month. For me, this is a contemplative image... I'm not sure why...

Yeah. I did. I fell off the wagon--sort of. My daughter will probably kill me after reading this (if she does). Am I 'smoking' again? No. I quit cold turkey before, I can quit again. Plus, I'm trying to get pregnant next year... Okay, I know what you're thinking... wtf?!! Don't you have enough family members? Yes, but my children are biologically not my husband's. And we've spent the last ten years of marriage with my tubes tied, working on all of those adult issues like family problems, alcoholism, house-buying, DUI, teenagers, budgets, death, parent/child role-reversal... etc. There wasn't time or money (to get the tubes reversed) to have another kid.

It hasn't been easy, and that's saying it nicely. I'm bipolar with all my other issues, and my husband battles depression and an addictive personality (he is the recovering alcoholic). And yet, through it all, we have given 'our' kids a healthy home to grow up in. In ten years they have only heard us fight/loud argue two, maybe three times. When they talk about their future relationships, they describe a desire to have what my husband and I share (as do most of my family members and single friends). They understand that things will not always be rainbows and sunshine, but that you work through it and respect each other, and always be loving and affectionate, as well as sarcastic and able to take a joke. 

Cussing and bad words are allowed in my house. I, for one, cuss like a sailor. Of course, they can't cuss when they are young and inexperienced, like if they haven't lived through some sh*t. My son cusses worse than I do, but he remembers a time when it was just him, me and his sister, and we were homeless living in a car. So yes, he may cuss. Thankfully it's mostly when he is on his Xbox. Hearing him scream like a bitch when he loses is quite comical... just saying.

Anyway. I know I'm rambling. I guess I'm just thrilled to be able to finally sit at my desk again. Plus, seeing that once again, this month more than 8,000 of you have stopped by to see 'me,' makes me happy. This blogging has thoroughly become part of my 'oxygen' that I need. It has become a habit. Yes, I suppose I do need a habit. And I think blogging is far more healthier than smoking, wouldn't you agree?

So with the reflection and understanding, I accept that this is just the ebb and flow of things. I've taken on a great deal of tasks that in and of each individual one, are stressful. I chose this life, and I wouldn't change a thing. I'm living how I choose to. I'm building strong and caring people, and I'm chasing my dreams in front of my kids, living as an example of how to make your goals, realities... I'm letting them see that a dream is good, but the hard work that leads to the payoff makes the reward that much better.

Lazy doesn't exist in my household.

So... here's to 2017. We as a people have experienced a tumultuous year. This is the year that everything has changed, and yet, we are still in control of how the future plays out... even if it feels like we aren't...

Things will definitely never be the same, and that excites me. I hope you can harness some of that energy as well, and approach the unknown expanse of time ahead of us with just as much enthusiasm.

Thank you again for supporting me and reading all about my precariously balanced life... seeing my ups and downs while I try to keep it as real as possible with you.

​**Life's a dance--you learn as you go!