I've been gone for a few days...

© T.B. Cooper

I love how the clouds and branch seemed to line up and separate the Light from the Dark. (from my front yard)

I'm just going through some things.

And I just wanted to say I'm working on it, and I'll be back real soon. I just needed some time off.
 
At least chemically that's what my body said.

I "suffer" from bipolar depression. I say "suffer" because I'm not sure what else to call it, but I don't want to say it loud and officially because I only use the power of my brain to combat it... No drugs, no magical pills, nothing.

Because of this "method" I use, I try not to put in words what is 'wrong' with me. I'm afraid if I see it, I'll believe it.

A couple of months ago I did a blog post about this exact thing, and how I deal with it, but after hitting publish I realized it was too personal to share with just anybody. So I've decided to clean up the post a bit, and offer it as a free download for those lovely readers willing to sign up for my monthly newsletter.

But then I think, am I really going to do a newsletter?

I have a string of short stories I've been musing over that are in essence the back stories leading up to a set of novels I want to write in a year or two, that I thought to offer as a freebie for those who sign up... but then again, am I going to write these?

Some days, when I am at my lowest points, I want to get rid of everything. I want to throw it all in the trash, light it up and watch it burn. 

I want to find homes for the animals.

I want to send the kids to go live with their fathers.

I want to run away, and never return.

But I CAN'T....

---

In my house, Can't is a "no no" word. Cuss all you want, but NEVER SAY CAN'T. 

Because there is NOTHING YOU CAN'T DO.

But I CAN'T leave the life I have. And there are times I have to remind myself that, every minute of every day, because the voice my pain calls out in, is sometimes loud and convincing....

My mind is the single most powerful drug I have ever taken. My mind has fixed so many ailments in my life, that honestly, if I ever lost it, I probably would need drugs.

You know, I'm not a crybaby. I'm actually the rock for many people in my life. I'm usually the unbreakable one. 

I've had to be. 

So when I lose it, I choke. I suffocate in my own whirlpool of conflicting bullshit. 

Life is hard, and it is meant to be hard so you can appreciate the good and easy moments. 

But, F*@K if it doesn't get old trying to show that to people. And I get tired of being strong and happy in the face of so much overwhelming negativity. 

I'm tired.

(Wiping away tears that won't stop falling)'''',,,,,,'''''

I've always said that if I wanted to have a nervous breakdown, I'd have to schedule it and even then I'd have to cancel.

​I have no time for that. 

Anyway, I'm a little behind in the content I've wanted to provide, so I will get back to that and hopefully be posting again within the week!

Until then, I'm hoping this will show up, it is a link to one of my newest Pinterest boards, just for my fellow Autumn-Loving Friends who are as excited about Pumpkin Flavored Everything, as I am! Enjoy!

Okay, it didn't work (putting the widget for the Pinterest board on here).
Here is the link instead www.pinterest.com/authortbcooper/pumpkin-flavored-inspiration/