The Subatomic Witch's Blog
Spiritual Healing & Guidance for those who can feel there is something more out there for them than what they've been sold.
4/30/2019 0 Comments
So... I'm doing this post first, to be COMPLETELY CLEAR as to what this "course" is going to be about.
Let me start by telling you what it is NOT/ what you WILL NOT learn, from me...
I will be pointing you towards sources that will help you find your purpose in this lifetime. These will include methods from such practices such as Numerology & Astrology. That being said, you will NOT LEARN actual Numerology & Astrology from ME or this course.
I am not an expert in any of these fields, by any means. I have only a basic understanding of the vast knowledge that these subjects have been able to offer humankind for centuries... That being said, I'm not trying to teach these things anyway. I'm JUST pointing you in the directions you might want to travel, if you're ready for some actual answers.
Why am I doing this course?
Honestly, it's what I feel compelled to do. I feel overwhelmed by the new perspectives I have gotten as I have come into my own and I want to share how I found me, with you. But, as I was making this journey of self discovery, I came to the same road blocks many of you have probably found... once you get some good information from a site/source, you're immediately blocked from knowing more unless you pay.
I have such a huge problem with that. I'm not hating on ANYONE that uses their Spiritual/Psychic Abilities & such to support their families/themselves, etc. I get it... we all have to eat. And yes, if the information is valuable and life changing then the price is validated, right?
Again, I'll mention the fact that I have a podcast titled, "HiporCriticalView" for the reason that I want to point out that I can see both sides of it, and both points are valid. I just happen to be of the smaller group of people who would rather give away for free the information that will help you grow as a person, the stuff you need to know to find your spiritual purpose, etc. Because for me, I couldn't place a monetary value on what my SOUL is worth. Nor could I decide between the $29.99 package or the $299.99 package...
What I'm saying here is that NO, I am not trying to scam the other hard working individuals out there who have spent plenty of blood, sweat, and tears putting their insight out there... Because, ultimately, you will find that you'll want to know more and get a deeper learning, and that will most likely lead to you purchasing a full report or two, or getting an in-depth reading from a few readers... And that's great. That's how we support each other. This course, which is basically going to be a Resource Finder/Information Gathering How to- type model of instructional, D.I.Y. thing, will start off FREE and will remain FREE. This includes the PDFs I'll be including for you to download and use as you begin gathering all your "clues" about who you are/what you're meant to do.
Think of me & this course as your research buddy, or an already programmed Google search bar with the right suggestions, or the Librarian who knows where to find the info. That's what this course will be.
In this course, you will learn HOW to find out who you are and what you're supposed to do with your life, by gathering the information that the numbers and stars/planets and behavior characteristics that are unique to ONLY you, can provide.
***A word of caution... This course isn't for everone, although, I wish it were. And frankly, that remark isn't my judgment, it's yours. There will be plenty of close-minded people who, for religious or other reasons, will not want to find this info, or will turn their skeptic noses up to it... And that's fine. My own personal belief is that if this idea doesn't resonate with you, if you're not interested in gathering all of the possible predestined information about yourself that exists out there, into a nice an easy to understand format so that maybe, JUST, MAYBE, you might have a hint as to what your purpose is/why you are the way you are... then, that's okay. It's obviously not for you. Because, once you start down this path of self-discovery you will find out some things that you maybe, right now, don't want to know.
However, this might also help shed light onto ALL of your problems and struggles, including telling you why you keep having so called "bad luck", for example, or keep attracting the same kind of partners, or keep having no money, or why you can't fall in love...
All of these answers are in your individual reports, that, until now, weren't complete without a price.
I will NOT be reading your "reports" or helping you to read them, because that information is already provided by the sources I'll send you to. This is your journey... you interpret the information however you need to.
I will however, be available to answers questions and to be a soundboard for when you need one to bounce ideas off of.
That's just who I am.
I feel like I just need to explain further that what I'm going to teach you how to do, I wish someone had shown me, years ago. Do I want to know my future? The details, no... but I can appreciate knowing that these years are supposed to suck and those years are supposed to be exquisite and fruitful... It would've just been then, like it is now, a confirmation of what I'm feeling and what I already know... everything comes in cycles, there must always be a balance, this too shall pass, etc. etc. etc.
But, just like you grab a road map or plug it in to your GPS, a destination, you know there are many different routes you can take... a GREAT road map/GPS unit, will have time estimations on it, as well as any traffic obstructions, weather conditions, events that cause delays, etc.
THAT is what I'm helping you to put together... your very own, Personal Road Map.
And, since I have a long history of asking the questions that help people to dig deeper within themselves and get to know themselves better, I am calling this the "Get to Know Thyself Better" course, and will be including lessons I've taught over the years within this series, as well.
Whew. I hope I explained it well enough through all of my rambling.
I've got to go work on the PDFs for a while, but I'll be back soon with your first "lesson"
4/26/2019 0 Comments
While sitting in the quiet and listening to what I'm supposed to do with my gifts, how to effectively help people on a larger scale, it came to me that I need to start by helping people find their purpose... help them to dissect their own roadmaps...
So, it is with that intention that I'll be starting a series on EXACTLY that.
"We can explore every facet of spirituality and religion and find comfort, but still never find ourselves." (Me, I just said that)
It DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY.
There is so much information out there, but what I have found is that you have to go to a million different sources to find it all, and unfortunately, most of it, to get the FULL answer/picture you end up having to PAY for it.
Again, IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY.
My strengths have always been taking info and compressing it, etc. into digestible pieces that ANYONE can understand. I was a trainer in most of my previous jobs when I used to work, before I quit and became a farmer, and I'd even made training manuals for almost every job.
Now, I just grow people.
It is time that I start sharing with a broader audience these skills.
Stay tuned, as I'll be sharing these posts soon, and I'll also be creating some free PDFs that can be used in conjunction with the "course".
and did I mention??? It'll be FREE. Period.
"We can explore every facet of spirituality and religion and find comfort, but still...
It's the New Moon in Aries, and while normally I'd be outside doing a ritual of sorts, THIS is what I'm COMPELLED to be doing, instead. I've sown my seeds of intention. I've released my burdens, my worries, my past life contracts & vows... I've accepted my powers, gifts, abilities... Tonight, I start working in the capacity I've been called. Starting with some more "About me" story time.
It's been a long time coming. I've finally reached a point where I can TRULY be grateful for the life I have. I mean, I've had my moments where I thought my life was good, great even... But, this overwhelming feeling I have of "living in the right moment" is a complete and polar opposite to the feelings I've held up until the end of last year.
Last year was the end of a cycle. And not just for me, but for the world as a whole. I know everyone is feeling some kind of way... a shift in the Matrix, so-to-speak; because these thoughts are absolutely EVERYWHERE. Every podcast, book, blog, video, etc. that you come in contact with that has ANYTHING to do with self-improvement, whether it's religious based or witchy based or anything else in between, has the same exact language, RIGHT. NOW. Words like the Matrix, the Collective, Purpose, Frequency, Passion, Discipline, Service to others, Progress, Growth, Letting go of things that no longer serve you, Subconcious Retraining, Mindset... etc. It doesn't matter if you're listening to Tony Robbins, or Rachel Hollis, or Tim Ferris, or Jessica Lanyadoo, or whomever... they're ALL SAYING the SAME EXACT THING: Happiness comes from within AND it's time to shine our light and love and joy into the world to help everyone else rise up.
Yes, I WAS SUICIDAL. NO, I haven't attempted to take my life since middle school when I tried to swallow a bunch of pain killers, which apparently wasn't enough to do shit, because I didn't even get sick. My heart was obviously not in it. I thought back then a handful would've sufficed, but I think the unconcious part of me knew that if I DID get sick, instead of dying, the punishment from my dad would've beat any death, any day. And that's saying something. Of course, that's me musing about it now, some 28 years later, so... who really knows? I don't even think I told more than say, a couple of friends, so it wasn't for attention... yeah... I dunno.
What I do know, is that I've ALWAYS wanted to die. And FUCK, I HATE even saying that, but I NEED to say that. I NEED to express just how much I was just going through the motions, every fucking day of my life for YEARS. I HATED having to live, more like, exist, because others depended on me. Of course, I CHOSE to have my kids, and it was ALWAYS my kids that kept me from going through with any half-baked plan I might've had. And I say half-baked because whenever I'd envision how I'd do it, the 'fantasy' would fall apart as would I, as I got to the second half of the scenario: who would find my body? How would it affect them? How would my death impact the lives of those that NEEDED me, that I selfishly left behind? Fuck. Fuck. and Double FUCK. Obviously, I just couldn't do it, but I wished for death in a far off future, can't wait to get there, kind of way... like a great vacation kind of anticipation, kind of vibe. Like, people are all, "I can't wait to go to Paris or Hawaii!" And I was like, "I can't wait to not be needed so I can die!" I have felt for so long, and for so many countless years, so disingenuine, so fake. I hated having to smile and be strong.
*AS I wrote that last sentence, I was reminded of some posts I'd done on my HiporCritical Tumblr blog, last year, when I still wanted to post those thoughts in anonymity... When I WASN'T blogging on this website, because I just COULDN'T let these feelings out publicly. There was a part of me that felt that if I HAD SHARED these thoughts, then, that it would've been harmful and detrimental to whomever was reading them, because again, as an EMPATH, I know how I can influence the lives of others. So, I kept this to myself, bottled up and brewing. I was dying, and I was okay with it. Then, when I finally broke in October, I started expressing to members of my family & to my friends, how I was feeling. I wasn't afraid anymore to tell those closest to me that life didn't matter anymore, that I'd been taken for granted and abused for so-fucking-long... And it wasn't even about not having gotten the recognition for my efforts or the severe lack of appreciation... It was instead, about the suffocating feeling of having carried everyone else's burdens for so long, having their crosses break on MY BACK, and then being kicked and spat on while I was broken and dying.
Being a Martyr, sucks.
Did I learn a lesson? Eh... more like I just carried them for as far as I was willing to go. I DIDN'T WANT TO DIE. But, I couldn't let this be my life, anymore, and I KNEW WHAT I HAD TO DO. 'Been knowin, actually... So, last year, during the last week of December, I PHYSICALLY & EMOTIONALLY & SYMBOLICALLY began "washing my hands" of "their problems". One by one, until Imbolc (Beginning of February), I systematically relieved myself of the responsibility I had to them. Them, in this sense is family members & friends. Technically, the friends part started a bit earlier than End of December, but that's neither here nor there. The point is, I didn't cut them out of my life, I didn't stop loving them, I just cut my strings that were tied and tangled up in their webs. Meaning I wasn't listening to anymore bullshit. If they weren't taking my advice- fuck em. Seriously. If they couldn't care enough to make the effort to fix their lives, then why THE FUCK SHOULD I??? I wanted happiness, and I KNEW I DESERVED IT. And so did they. But their happiness wasn't my problem, even if they wanted it to be.
I realized back in 2016, when I started blogging, that that made me feel GOOD (the act of blogging). Like, really, REALLY-GOOD. I've said that before, so I don't feel I need to say it again. You can go to my Precariously Balanced Life Blog, and search in the categories for any post tagged as "deep thoughts" and I'm sure you'll find plenty to read about what makes me happy (blogging) and all kinds of other shit to keep you occupied for hours. Lol.
But, because so many around me weren't feeling good, it was hard for me to FEEL GOOD. And I'm NOT BLAMING them while simultaneously NOT BLAMING MYSELF; instead, I'm saying that all of that was to be expected. Again, back to the whole language of what we're hearing a lot of right now. It was the end of an incredibly dark cycle.
Welcome to the light.
When I acknowledged the fact that I was a witch, I asked for only one thing in return: "When I take this step forward and use this gift I have to help and heal others, within and without of my normal circle... when I expand to do the work that is required of me, the work I feel called to do... Please, let me know in the moment, as I am presented with a 'problem', that "this" is what I'm supposed to say. Let me know without a doubt, that these words, or this action, etc. is EXACTLY what this person NEEDS. We live in an era of incredible speed and resources, let me NOT WASTE MY TIME or the TIME of THOSE IN NEED."
And since that moment in September of last year, that is EXACTLY what I've gotten. Have I always had the answers? Sure, yes, I have. But damnit I'd be lying if I said that sometimes I had to really stew on an issue or hurry up & wait to get the answer. And THAT was such a huge problem, that I am happy to be rid of.
I'm sure I'll post again more about this topic, but as I've decided to add 3 of my Tumblr blog posts here, I know this post is already kinda a lot to read. Like that's any kind of a surprise, right? I mean, it's me. I'm always long-winded.
Anyway, below you will see 3 posts I did on Tumblr, on my HiporCritical Blog, last year. These were some thoughts I had that I wasn't sharing "publicly" as I hadn't yet, revealed that I had this other blog, and again, I wasn't sharing this part of me to really anyone...
Why I'm sharing them now? I'm not sure. I just feel compelled to do so. Someone out there is feeling the same way, or did and is weary of actually feeling better now, even though the "Universe et all", is saying it is time. If just by sharing this it helps to connect with someone, then I am happy. Helping people has been my passion, and I KNOW it IS MY PURPOSE.
Post #1 (February 25, 2018)
I AM #StrongEnough to fight off the negativity…
But damnit, I’m so tired of doing so. I’m the person everyone comes to for help. But who the Hell, do I go to?
If you’ve read any of my posts from any of my blogs, you might already know that I’m a builder of people and fixer of people’s problems. You might already know that I’m also an INTJ Libra female. You might already know that I have bipolar depression, endometriosis, and polycystic ovarian syndrome. You might already know that I went through puberty at a very young age and was hypersexual throughout my adolescence and early adult years. You might already know that I don’t give a flying f*@k about what others think of me, when compared to what I THINK OF ME.
If you did or didn’t know any of this, it’s pretty much irrelevant to this post, I guess. I’m not even sure what this post is supposed to be. I’m just sitting here, in a cold truck, in a quiet parking lot at night, needing to say… something.
But I’m not sure what.
I mean, I have a LOT to say. But I question who would fully understand (it), in its majority. Like, who can truly understand what I AM feeling?
I know I’m not the only person with too many responsibilities, too many projects, too many worries, too many mouths to feed and lives to guide. I know I’m not the only person who puts 20+ hour days into a job that possibly doesn’t pay until you’re on your deathbed and you get to reflect on the life you’ve led.
You see, where I end up feeling alone, is when I try to find answers… anywhere… and I can’t find them. So then being who I am, I dig into my own consciousness and find the answers there… only to have to store that information for later so I can share this insight with others who need this guidance.
I want to know how many others out there REALLY live the life of a sage, a prophet, an apostle, a god? And I’m not talking about those fake ass people who are just repeating what they’ve been told. I mean people who genuinely KNOW the answer, naturally & instinctively. The people who were born with that knowledge.
I want to know who the general cries to. Who god cries to? What or who, is the Apex predator afraid of?
… to be continued
Feb 25th, 2018
Post #2 (February 28, 2018)
I’m tired of being fake*
I’m tired of putting on a mask for the sake of others. I’m tired of pretending to care when in reality I care more than they ever could. I’m tired of saying I love you back, to someone who doesn’t understand the weight those words carry when I say it; to someone who doesn’t & couldn’t love me, as much. I’m tired of being the example. I’m tired of leading. I’m tired of having to dig deep into my extinguished reserves of patience & kindness & understanding EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. ALL DAY. I’m tired of feeling like a loser when I’m tired. I’m tired of fighting off every negative thought, keeping a barrier up so they don’t creep in… I’m tired of trying to stay focused on all the positive when my body wakes, sleeps, and functions every day in excruciating pain. I’m tired of expecting everyone around me to be able to think for once, by themselves. I’m so tired. I’m tired of hurting and existing in purgatory. I feel like I’m in limbo; suspended in animation or a thick gelatinous substance that allows me to only sink further into despair. Breathing is hard. Keeping my eyes open, even harder. I function most days autonomously. I’m tired of just going through the motions. I’m tired of not having someone to talk to or work out my problems and thoughts with, but myself. FUCK, I’m so tired. And FUCK I’m so lonely and cold. The weight of everyone’s problems is on my shoulders, and there’s no room left for mine. These tears aren’t mine. These tears are from the heaviness that weighs upon my psyche. I don’t live within the selfish divide of “Not my problem” & “You gotta take care of yourself”, I live on the other side that carries the knowledge, power, and responsibility & obligation to show others how to BE. There is NO OTHER OPTION. I’m just tired. I’m tired of talking to myself, talking me out of depression, talking me down off the ledge, talking me back to life so I can have a pulse again. I’m tired of having to perform CPR on myself. But, here I go again… quitting isn’t an option. My “Fakeness” is a dumbing down, an act of commonality so that others can be comfortable, even if I am not. My “fakeness” is for their benefit, not mine. Is it a lack of Integrity? A lack of self-truth? No, I know who I am through & through… I CHOOSE to act accordingly where present company is considered.
Feb 28th, 2018
Sometimes, I wish I had far lower standards; that I could be more carefree, or care less.
Sometimes, the disappointment I feel for the people that should be my equals, or even my superiors, is suffocating.
Sometimes, I really just want to burn every scrap of paper or delete every digital log of any thought that verifies my existence as an individual… so I can just be part of the crowd. The flock. The unwary. The group that lives within the Matrix of lies and complacency that dictate our illnesses & shortcomings. The village of blind, deaf, and dumb our souls live in, when it comes to seeing, hearing, and speaking with our hearts and minds, and living by our own wants and desires.
Sometimes, caring sucks.
Sometimes, caring is my greatest weakness.
Apr 10th, 2018
If you've read all of this to the end, THANK YOU... I know that was a lot! I do appreciate you stopping by, and
please, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here. Contact me. Much love. <3 <3<3
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